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Flying On Wings of Hope
The artisans of Isabel Bloom have taken a special interest over the past few years in helping support survivors of domestic violence. We are pleased to be partnering with Davenport's Family Resources, Inc., in our effort to help women and children escape violence in their homes. Proceeds from a specially-designed sculpture, On Wings of Hope, go to support the range of services offered to survivors.
Domestic violence is a fact of life for many women and children. They live in our community, maybe even next door. Survivor Debbi Weston lived in Bettendorf when it happened to her. Here is her story.
What Looked Like a Sweet Romance...
Debbi Weston was a successful and professional 41-year-old woman when she met the man who would nearly destroy her life. She still hyperventilates when she tells parts of her story, but she's determined to tell it. If she can protect just one woman, she says, it will be worth it.
Debbi's story begins, as so many domestic violence stories do, with a guy who seemed too good to be true. Romantic, thoughtful and fun, Tom* told her he was falling in love with her soon after their first date. He told her she was beautiful. He wanted to get married.
Began to Go Bad.
Looking back on it, Debbi says there were many red flags, including his early professions of love. She's ashamed that she missed them. But what really bothers her now is her willful disregard of his temper. He yelled at her, for example, when she tried to help him see that he shouldn't call his young son a "loser." He blew up over lost keys. He began calling her fat, stupid and ugly.
"The good outweighed the bad until after we got married," Debbi says. "Then the verbal abuse became constant. I gradually lost my confidence and began to believe some of what he said. I didn't know what to do when it got physical."
1 in 4 Women Suffer Abuse
Family Resources president Cheryl Goodwin says Debbi's experience was typical of many abusive relationships.
"Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior that is used to gain power and control over intimate partners," she says. "Statistics show that 1 in 4 women will experience it in her lifetime. Abused women are depressed, scared and ashamed. It's critically important to get the word out: women don't have to put up with it. Call us. We will help."
Working to Protect Women
Thanks to Isabel Bloom, Family Resources, Inc. will gain critical funds to help pay for their domestic violence program.
"Our partnership with Isabel Bloom is very exciting," Cheryl says. "The On Wings of Hope sculpture signifies a woman and her children's flight for freedom from domestic violence. It will help raise awareness as well and funds. We are thankful for the Isabel Bloom team's desire to capture the essence of this issue in the art."
Debbi Today
It's been nearly 3 years since Debbi landed in the Emergency Room with injuries inflicted by her husband, and two years since she divorced him. Thanks to Family Resources, she's back on her feet, living in her own home, working for Rock Island Parks and Recreation.
Most important, she has regained hope and happiness.
"Family Resources helped me rebuild my self-esteem and independence," she says. "They provided me with counseling, group therapy, even a financial workshop. I still have moments of panic, but I've learned how to deal with them.
"If my telling this story will help even one woman avoid or escape an abusive relationship, I'll feel like I really accomplished something."
*Not his real name |
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In Debbi's Words...
At first I spent a lot of time crying and talking about all of the horrible things he said and did to me. (He had even convinced a few of our friends that I was the "problem" in the relationship.) I went to Family Resources to save myself.
I was embarrassed and humiliated. I didn't feel deserving of people who cared about me. I didn't feel deserving of expressing my feelings because in my marriage I wasn't supposed to have any. My Family Resources counselor assured me that it was OK, that it was my time and I could spend the entire hour crying if I needed to.
My counselor didn't give me advice, but rather asked questions that helped me figure things out for myself. She helped me realize that I had options and I could decide what I wanted to do; to figure out what was best for me. She never judged me. She never asked, "When you were dating and he called his son a loser, why didn't you see that as a red flag?" She understood. I never felt bad about myself when I was in her presence.
A few months after I started seeing her, I had a vision of myself standing in front of a large crowd, wearing a white, oversized T-shirt with all of the words he had called me written on it. I was saying to the people, "This is what he called me, but that's not who I am." I was getting stronger. At that time I told my husband I wanted a divorce, and my vision turned into a project to raise awareness to stop verbal abuse.
I worked with other women to create T-shirts with the horrible names we had been called written in heavy black marker. We had our photo taken to create a banner with the T-shirts on one side, and colorful tops on the other side that were decorated with words that described who we really are: beautiful, great mother, creative, fun, intelligent, successful, me, loving, authentic, deserving...
The photo exhibit showed at a local art gallery for eight weeks, opening with a special unveiling event that I produced. As dancers unveiled the "verbal abuse" side, there were gasps and tears from the audience. When they spun around the banners to show the "real me" side, there were cheers.
My own journey isn't complete, but I'm getting much better. I'm so grateful for all Family Resources has done for me and other abused women. I'm grateful for Isabel Bloom's On Wings of Hope. Truly, my hope has returned ... and my passion is to help others reclaim their hope as well. |
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